EXPLODE THE COMMODE

by Lord of Diamonds

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1.
EXPLODE THE COMMODE 00:50
lyrics
That toilet needs cleaning It's been used far too much It's permanently clogged Who will take the job? We must extract the mass Originating from countless peoples' ass As the tools probe deep Gas begins to seep The shit flies forth with hurricane force Splattered all over windows and doors An attempt to clean the commode Caused it to explode Explode the commode Explode the commode Explode the commode Explode the commode Oooh!
2.
THE GAS STATION WITH NO TOILET 00:50
lyrics
I need to take a shit But there's no place to do it I feel the gas start moving I have to find a toilet I pull off the interstate Into a small gas station As I exit from my car I hear a flatulation The sign on the door Says, "No public toilet" I pinch my cheeks in pain And go out back to take a shit I don't care if I'm seen As I defecate I'm sure I would have shit my pants If I had to wait.
3.
FECAL OBSTRUCTION 01:29
lyrics
Relief from excretion, you hear the feces plop You wipe your ass and stand away to gaze upon the slop A fabulous fecal sculpture, a true work of art Press the flush handle, and prepare to watch it depart Fecal obstruction Raw sewage backing up Fecal obstruction The piping clogging up Something is now wrong; the shit will not flush The plunger does no good; the water starts to gush A foul scent fills the air and forces you to go You exit nonchalantly, hoping no one will know Fecal obstruction Raw sewage backing up Fecal obstruction The piping clogging up
4.
OUT OF ORDER 01:05
lyrics
It's happened again The toilet overflowed The cause of this phenomenon We still do not know Yesterday, we had to clean Chunks of feces off the floor When we had to take a shit We had to go next door And so, for now, we hang A sign on the door Telling all who enter The toilet's out of order
5.
THE NAUSEATING STENCH 01:34
lyrics
It's now been a whole week The toilet still has not been cleaned The plumbing still is blocked The shit sits there like a rock Gurgling sounds from the back Put you off your mid-day snack Within seconds, a horrid smell Comes to you right out of Hell Terror rises, so does vomit You try to flee the smell of shit It's too late; you're at the door You're forced to throw up on the floor
6.
DAVE, THE PLUMBER 01:17
lyrics
The smell is overpowering It's wafting over everything A decision must be made The smell has got to go away Who will brave the horrid stink? And so we all sit down and think. Who'll rid us of the shit forever? Maybe this guy called Dave the Plumber. And so we send a text to Dave But perhaps he's not that brave. It'd take a superhuman power To get rid of this foul odor. Who will brave the horrid stink? And so we all sit down and think. Who'll rid us of the shit forever? Maybe this guy called Dave the Plumber.
7.
THE HORROR OF BEING FORCED TO USE THE PORT-A-JOHN 01:38
lyrics
There is no working toilet But we still have to defecate The only solution to this problem Is one we hate The guys across the street Banned us from their restroom So we haul in a Port-A-John With feelings of impending doom. As you enter, smell the smell See the fecal sludge as well Unzip your pants, sit right down Over the soup of blue and brown The shit comes forth in a large blast Followed by the smell of gas Just then, you feel a sort of splash Slosh itself against your ass. You run screaming from the shack Yelling, "I'm never going back!"
8.
THE HORROR OF BEING FORCED TO CLEAN THE PORT-A-JOHN 01:00
lyrics
The short straw has been drawn You're the choice to do it Sanitation is important You'd better get right to it Armed with a rag and soap You walk outside, losing hope As you get near, you smell the fumes Forced to clean this makeshift restroom Scrubbing urine off the seat There's something wet under your feet You cannot help it, you throw up Now there's more for you to clean up.
9.
ARRIVAL OF DAVE 01:15
lyrics
We hang around outside Because we do not dare To go inside and endure The smell that resides in there We eagerly await The arrival of Dave the plumber The shit that clogs the toilet He might rid us of it forever We eagerly await The arrival of Dave the plumber The shit that clogs the toilet He might rid us of it forever
10.
EXPLODE THE COMMODE (REPRISE) 00:55
lyrics
That toilet needs cleaning It's been used far too much It's permanently clogged Dave will take the job Dave attempts to extract the mass Originating from countless peoples' ass As his tools probe deep Gas begins to seep The shit flies forth with hurricane force Splattered all over windows and doors Dave's attempt to clean the commode Caused it to explode He shakes his head and apologizes "Sorry, I can't fix this, guys" "You'll have to get yourselves a new toilet And I can't promise I'll install it." Explode the commode Explode the commode Explode the commode Explode the commode Oooh!

about

I've been listening to a lot of really bad music lately, so I decided to make an album of really bad music as a sort of therapy strategy. Unfortunately, I ended up being pretty damn pleased with my work.

"Explode the Commode" is a concept album about a clogged toilet in a gas station. By mysterious circumstances, known only to the man that clogged it, the toilet has been in an obstructed state for some time now. The gas station management has been forced to hang a "no public restroom" sign on the door (much to the dismay of people who need to relieve themselves) and install an employees-only Port-A-John for when they need to defecate or urinate. Nobody will dare to attempt to un-clog the toilet because of the horrid smell. There is one man who could possibly get them out of this fix, though: Dave the Plumber. Will he be able to free the gas station from this malodorous malady?

credits

released May 28, 2019

Lord of Diamonds - vocals, "bass", guitars, v-drums.

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Lord of Diamonds Asheville, North Carolina

Lord of Diamonds is a heavy metal project from Asheville, North Carolina. Everything else is subject to change without notice.

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